Recently in Ms Rika's forum the question was posed: Is a submissive man weak?
I found myself getting very angry as I posted my response. I know that I took it personally, and it definately showed in my words. I have known and lived with many weak men in my life and I felt like I had to defend my toy! He is definately the strongest man I have ever known. Just because he is submissive, in no way means that he is weak.
It is my opinion that it takes a pretty strong man to put someone elses needs before his own. It requires a confidence and a sense of self that not all men (or women) posess.
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8 comments:
It takes a strong man to stand tall even when kneeling.
I'm also one who gets annoyed at the misconception of submissive=weak unfortunately so many view submission in this light.
Kudos to you for defending all the strong subs :D
I agree with you completely. It takes a great degree of self control, trust and confidence to be a submissive male. It is also very courageous because the submissive male must at some point confide his need to his partner. It is not for the weak of heart.
I hate when anyone makes that statement, it is so nieve I have difficulty trying to quailfy it.
The question was obviously asked by someone that has never owned a submissive, male or female. Or they would know the answer already and jsut how stupit a question it really is.
Destiny
Thanks ladies!
It's good to hear my sentiments echoed by other strong women.
There are some wimps who submit. We're as generic as any other group.
But I certainly have to impose rule over myself in order to please her at times. Since it is always "safe and sane" there's real satisfaction in overcoming my own will in my efforts to comply with hers.
Hi Ladies and Richard, I too am deeply offended by this concept of subbie equals weak. I have done/been both, and with the exception of the responsibility to nuture and protect a subbie, I feel that ON THE AVERAGE harder to be a good subbie than a good dom.
I have never been a submissive hubby, but i am a man who loves, cherishes, and tries to pamape hsi wife. That is hard enough, but to be a subbie on top of that, and devote your whole being to her happiness and joy and development. Asking only her affection, respect, and intimacy in return. THAT right there, is so unselfish and so focused on other peoples well being as to be almost mystical.
If being a caring and giving and unselfish person who pledges themselves to the good of a DESERVING and respected person is weak, then WTF, sign me up! I want to be weak.
but maybe the ones who call good subbies or slaves weak are right, after all we know the following is true, eh?
Cuz we know real strength is displayed by undisciplined louts sitting on the couch watch tv while their wife does all the domestic chores, Right?
And real good lovers are obssessed with their puto poles and just want to roll over and go to sleep, I mean thaats a real Romeo, right?
YEAH RIGHT! GMAFB!
I KNOW it takes much more strength and character to be a subbie than a vanilla boyfriend, for sure, from experieince!!
Ladies, I agree with all of you,....... and also with Richard.
To be the kind of submissive that is a GREAT fit for Wise and Intelligent and Loving Dommes like you all does take an exceptional man. Just like it would take an exceptional man to be a devoted and adoring husband to a similar excellent woman with no interest in non-vanilla things.
But sadly Ladies, many of the subbies out there a not of the same mettle as your men.
In a similar mode there are many more selfish and petty and unloving dommes and doms who want all the bennies of a subbie or slave but dont want the true emotional connection, or the sharing of anything intimate and precious, or the responsibility-burden of cherishing and nuturing the sub.
I dont think its necessarily true that all these lesser caliber Dommmes, Doms, and subbies are intentionally less than excellent at D/s.
I think their lesser status in the special world all of us believe in is just due to poor overall character/personal developement on their part.
Heres to all you great Dominant Ladies who adore and cherish your pets, hubbies, slaves, and subbies!
i wish all the Women in my life could see my serving/giving of myself and acceptance of my desire to diffuse conflict as good qualities and chersih me for them like the good dommes I have been fortunate to know! Such wisdom seems in my humble opinion tio be RARE in a vanilla woman!! I could not be married to my Lovey if she had not been wise enough to see tha tme being kinky and wanting to serve her and adore her did not make me weak or sick!!
I wish all the men in my life could see that by forgoing the side of me that wants to be macho, and get into confrontations, and has sexual desire for almost all women I see from 18 to 70 does not meak me a prude or a coward, but a Gentleman whose emotions run to fidelity and peace and whose cultural and intellectual beliefs are tested by introspection, and tehn APPLIED to his life.
Big ups to peace, cooperation, respect, and service with an eye on others needs. The only real ways to be awinner in the long run.
I have had to wrestle with this issue for several years, and it's one of the points that made it very difficult for me to "come out" to my wife.
Despite all that we say here, the fact is that out there in our society, "submissive" is equated to "weak". This is one of the reasons that the media so often portray sub men in a humorous light - the contrast or shock value makes it funny. "What? A man in shackles? Why, that's so vulnerable!"
In addition to Tom's comment. In our society,submissive and weakness are equated (often) with feminine.
IMHO of course...but its probably true.
While it is becoming more accepted for women to be more masculine in their actions, the same can't be said for men being in touch with the feminine (submisive) side, usually they are expected to surpress it, from a fairly young age.
Even going against the grain and being a man that actually listens and avoids the distant behaviour of many men, would throw a lot of woman for a loop.
As one said, men arent expected to "be there" so it's a little disconcerting when one is.
This was just a long winded way of saying. If your a male who's submissive, then "most" are going to say:
"Damn, he's a pussy" ie:not a "MAN"
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